Unhappy relationships: No one deserves to be someone else's insurance policy
- Layla
- Nov 11, 2024
- 3 min read
Believe it or not, the above wisdom was taken from an episode of Made in Chelsea that I watched yesterday. Some of the cast were talking about a very 'on and off' couple who can never seem to make their unhappy relationship work, but at the same time. they can never seem to let go of each other and move on.
They believe they love each other and they have been together for a very long time, but they just don't seem to work. He has a lack of respect for her and she wants her security blanket. And if they were totally honest with themselves, neither really trust each other due to past misdemeanours on both parts. Therefore, I had to write the comment down and write a post about it because it was absolutely spot on.
No one can hold on to someone that isn't right for them out of fear. We have to let them go and they us.
The romantics in us will of course see this constant return to each other as 'a sign' and that 'we are meant to be'. But unless both parties have ironed out what needs to change to make it work and are making it work, or at the very least trying really hard to make it work, it is usually the case that you are trying to hold on to someone because you are scared to be without them. And that isn't a reason to be with someone.
But we have all been here, right? Either holding on to, or taking someone back, who wasn't right for us?
So why does a relationship ending with someone you know is not right for you still feel so scary and unsettling and final? Why despite everything, do we want to keep hold of them?
All roads lead to Rome and it's because us human beings are programmed to keep safe, It's a game of survival. Part of the human experience. And to keep you safe, the subconscious part of your mind likes familiarity, regularity and habits. It does not like surprises because surprises mean 'danger' and this triggers the fight or flight response. How many relationships have you been in where someone likes to fight and someone takes off? It is what is called being human and some of us are not that good at it yet.
But in this type of situation we know we are not in danger, however, we know when a relationship ends, especially a long term one, it means change, and for many of us, change is scary. We convince ourselves that to say goodbye to the relationship means we are going to be lonely, that we won't love anyone again, that we won't love anyone the way we loved them, that no one else will get us, or the BIG ONE...they will meet someone else who is more attractive and treat them like a princess!
But what we are really fearing is saying goodbye to the comfort of familiarity that comes with that person. This is the habit. This is the repetition. This is what keeps us 'safe'.
But what if we flipped that? What if we recognised that these fears are just stories we tell ourselves? Stories that aren’t based on reality but on our own thoughts. What if realised that if we can create stories that hold us back, we can also create new ones that set us free.
Our thoughts aren’t facts. We can change them.
What story are you telling yourself — is it one that helps you or keeps you stuck?
Imagine instead of living in fear and anxiety about the future, you choose a narrative where being alone means rediscovering yourself and your strength, and what if we see change as a chance to discover new opportunities and experiences, and where you’re brave enough to embrace the unfamiliar?
You have the power to change your thoughts and, in doing so, your entire reality.
If you would like a FREE resource to help you change your thoughts and ultimately change your life, sign up here and get my FREE Change Your Thoughts. Change Your Life workbook and lets set you free
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